Its 12am and it has began again. The demons’ howls. The ghoulish wails pound away at my eardrums, penetrating into my brain and killing every working cell on its way before flowing into my vein and solidifying me in misery.
‘its okay Dappy’ i softly whisper to my terrified rabbit ‘ its just stupid fireworks. happy new year baby’
Two hours later, its finally over. Dappy is happily munching on comfort food and i am doing what i do best at 2am: waste my time having an existential crisis and this is what i came up with.
EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS FALL APART. LIFE WILL NEVER GO TH WAY YOU WANT IT TO. YOU WILL FAIL AND FAIL AND FAIL AGAIN. LIFE IN SHORT SUCKS.
The last year for me has sucked. I had to resign two jobs that weren’t easy to get, suffered multiple brain seizures, lost a potential love. I was used and abused, kicked and spat on by people i cared about. 2019 sucked hard.
GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.
Now, i don’t believe in new year resolutions ( if you have to wait a whole year to change your life, you don’t really mean to) i have instead began daily resolution: to restart.
Everyday i live my life like its my last. it sounds depressing i know but it is the most exciting and liberating activity i have ever undertook. I have my last meal everyday. I say my final prayers everyday, I love my family everyday, I read good books, watch amazing movies and listen to great music, I do things that make me happy everyday. I make mistakes everyday and i forgive myself everyday. I die every night and i resurrect every morning. making every day my final beginning.
See,Life might fall apart but you can start again rebuilding, reviving, reliving everyday.